I felt the need to write this after deciding today that I can't eat the majority of protein bars because I can see the effects of all the sugar,carbs and whatnot literally land on my belly and it does not make me happy.I'm on a very strict diet due to my competition prep and those stupid bars are the only thing slightly resembling chocolate.I jumped into this competition very late in the game.Most people train for at least 4 months to prepare.I decided to do it with only ten weeks till showtime.Mind you I will NOT get on stage if I'm not ready.I will do the July show or October but I'm determined to do everything humanly possible to be ready for June 4th.I'm going to war with my body.Starting at 113lbs.I must gain at least 7 lbs of muscle before I can start to lose body fat.Right now that means eating alot and lifting as heavy as I possibly can.Then,I will have to do lots of cardio to get my body fat down so I can see all the muscle definition.
Those of you that have known me since my late 20's only know me looking like this or some version of.In my early to mid 20's I was at least 20 pounds heavier and not in shape and when I was in high school and college I was chubby.Food has always been the bane of my existence and I want to punch people when they tell how naturally thin I am.I grew up on mac and cheese and twizzlers.It's what made me want to be a trainer and healthy person.Not only does unhealthy food make you fat but the amount of diseases that develop from being overweight or just having too much around your midsection.I go home to see family and it's depressing to see what condition they are in and they're struggle to find the willpower to change,or lack of caring for themselves.To this day I'm fully aware of my addiction to sugar and it makes me crazy that I can't just banish it.I've realized very recently that as long as I don't have anything sweet I don't want it but put just a sliver of dark chocolate in front of me and I will eat the whole bar before you can blink.It really grosses me out and makes me feel like crap.So,not only am I doing this competition because of my deep desire to look like a super hero but it's to challenge myself to not cheat on this diet I have to be on in order to succeed.Egg whites,oatmeal,chicken,veggies,sweet potatoes,protein powder,and everything is measured.THAT"S IT.As I get closer the sweet potatoes will dwindle.And at that time I will be a miserable bitch.
I have never done anything competitive,athletically,so I've been very intrigued by the process.And,since my drinking Jack out of the bottle and being out till 5am days are over I feel like I could finally do this without failing.As I enter my 3rd week I'm 2lbs heavier and constantly starving.My body knows now that every three hours it's supposed to be fed.I feel stronger and lifting more weight every day.I attended my boss' show yesterday to get an idea of what I was in for.A real eye opener.For one,there were alot of women that I didn't think were ready to compete.Some of them were terrified on stage (considering what I've done on stage that's the least of my worries; )) and others didn't look in proportion at all.Now I know what not to do,what kind of swimsuit I need and to friggin' smile!I'm even more stoked to get up there.And although I know that having alot of ink will be points against me(they can't see definition as easily) I want to do it for myself.To know that I won the war.
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