I've come to the conclusion lately that I think more negatively than I was aware of.I've been making a point of checking in with my thoughts throughout the day and usually I'm complaining about something.I'm not happy about it so I'm making an effort to curb my bad thoughts.Let me tell you it's much easier to be cranky than positive.I did yoga for the first time in a long time today because it's one of the things that really forces me,if I'm consistent,to think happy thoughts.I'm trying to make major changes in my life in general and if I stay in this head space it will not come to fruition.I was thinking about when that started for me because I wasn't like this when I was younger.In my early twenties I went to dance clubs,my favorite band was Deee-Lite and my hair was platinum blonde.Sometime after that it went downhill,I started listening to angry music and I started to complain because it was somehow a bonding experience with the new crowd I hung out with.It's been a long time since I've been around those people but it stuck with me for some reason.I need to start playing mind games with myself to get me out of this bad habit.
In other news I've made a significant change in my work schedule so I don't go in before 11am on most days of the week.I need a few more clients to have enough but I've gained 7 since the beginning of February after a reality check kicked me into high gear.After almost 4 years of an early morning schedule I've come to the conclusion that I'm not now nor will I ever be a morning person and I refuse to keep torturing myself.Another move in a positive direction.Now I'm off to dye my hair and make a mess in my extremely small bathroom Tootles!
i think it's great that you at least catch yourself having dark thoughts and know it's not the right way to be thinking. most people just wallow in that dirty bath water and stay pissy.
ReplyDeletei too had the self evaluation recently that made me wonder what the hell happened to the happy-go-sunshine i used to be. part of it i think (for me at least) just had to do with going through some heavy ugly shit as my 20's progressed... and going through shit can make you a little shitty ;) so yes, the hard part is transitioning back to a place of light heartedness once you know what the world can really be like. so good for you for going for it.
i need to get into yoga too... i've been saying that for about a hundred years though...